planning*

I am planning....
Planning something that I don't have to let him know.
Is a birthday party surprise.
What I want to do now?
A big surprise? A romantic surprise? or what else?
It drives me crazy.
I want to give a memorable birthday, it will be the first time I do it and maybe it is the last.
I bought a book, that is all of our memory..
Our first time meet and our first time together..
The part of life that we will cry or maybe not..
Let him know I am the most good gf that he never has..
Tell him to precious me as ever and forever..
To planning everything that he will never know.
No matter is the first or last, he will know, our love is last Forever...
So I am gonna planning again...
To give him a awesome birthday party..
Let's check it up~~

Park Saeng Zhu, Saranghae

Park Saeng Zhu ar Park Saeng Zhu, no mu no mu bo sip ta... saranghae...
Why can Hyun Joong you so handsome? Love you so much...
Hope someday I can see you in my real life,
Wish the day is nearest and nearest..

Wanna to go Korea study, so I do some research about HT course in Korea University..
I do not know how to see the exchange rate, convert Korean won into Malaysia Ringgit..
I am confused.
I am still not sure what I'm gonna to do now.
Found a job which is only RM200 per month of salary... because that is a relaxing job..
Working at home, doing typing, that's so free, isn't it?

I am still so sick.. my voice not recover yet..
I feel dizzy, but I watch PPS again, Playful Kiss..
Wish someday, Kim Hyun Joong will be my real Park Saeng Zhu.. and I'll be his Go Ha Ni..
That is so ridiculous.. I am laughing so freaking much and day dreaming too..
You can say I'm crazy, I admit it..
Because I am too crazy about PSZ... Saranghae..~~

my life^^

I had been stayed in Penang for few days, finally I get back to Kampar before yesterday.

Life goes well and nothing changed.

Friends are in stressful for their busy Diploma year and I am being still a ordinary person live in Kampar.

Life here is just eat, sleep and playing facebook, nothing special.

A life with colourful day with friends but sickness comes for me.

Sore throat, fever and flu are coming to me. what the heck is going on to myself.

On the way to clinic, I saw one of my senior, friend.

He came back for few days, luckily i met him up.

He picked Klien and I up to clinic and we had a breakfast before he's gone and Kline went to school.

His life is good in Genting Highland.

Back to school, I wish I could study at there again, graduate with my friends is my dream but can't achieve.

Lecturer told me that I still fail my paper, I felt upset but what to do.

My plan is to stay here and find a job then go to KDU.

Well, my mum allowed me.. but I have to study hard after this issue.

Friends are changed, some has fell in love, some of them are still same. 

Study makes them to try to avoid but stressful is over come them.

Give them the luck is the only way I can do.

I will leave and study with my new place.

I don't know whether I can meet the friends like them or not.

I told mum that if the time is right, I will leave Malaysia and study in Hillsong College..

Well, she agreed.

God gives everyone no matter he or she is my friend or not, they are still created by you, they are your son and daughter.

Give them energy and confidence to face their pressure in study and life. No matter how hard it is, God gives them strength to do the best and graduate in the time.

I always hope I can graduate with them but I know it is impossible for me to say that again.

In new place that I study, God, gives me to meet the person or friend at there like here.

Can talk, help each others, play together and crazy together.. how nice it is.

Although I am very anger and sad why can you give me failed in my paper, so hard for me to accept but,

you said time will see everything and today is my big day.. So do I know it.

Thanks God... You beside me always no matter I have something to worry or what..

Thanks God for listening, in your name we prayer, Amen

First day

Today is my first day in Sibu.
I am so happy to see my new youngest cousin, my church aunties, uncles, grandmum and bla bla.
Went out with my best friend in secondary school, Cindy Yeu
She is stills same, crazy! We has a lot of fun.. I just too happy to see her again.
We went out and her bf buy me a pizza for a lunch..it was delicious.

Night, I went to church, people there looked surprise to see me because I'm back to my mother-church..
That is a lovely church, a place i grew up with and a place make me feel I'm not alone.
Mummy went to choir and I joined the service..
Enjoy the rev. talk and learn more about God's lesson.

After that, we went to supper with mum's friends.
First time I truely ate Tom Yam in my life. It is spicy but its delicious..
I enjoyed the life in my hometown.. rather that stayed in Kampar with the people's black heart..
Miss Kampar friends.. Rith jun... hah..!! My boy friend, Klien Kam! haha!!
love them so do love my family..
Good night

Homw sweet home *love* and *sad*

I miss my family since I study in Perak.
I miss my family because they're important.
I know too much things and guess you never experience this.
Leave my family along to study is a very difficult in my life but it's precious.

Today I'm back.
I saw mummy is happy and she prepared a bowl of chicken soup to me.
Unfortunately, I am full because of the food in air-plane.
Mum felt disappointed and asked me sleep early.
I know mum is tired and not feeling well.
She request massage and " gua sha" to me.
I accepted, of course.

When I help her massage, she felt painful.
Her muscle is just deeply hurt and pain.
I feel upset, no one staying with her since all of her children are studying or working outside country.

She feels happy because we tried to study or working hard.
She knows it.
Even she never experience it.

She told me someone close with her said all of her children are useless, because we are stupid.
Don't know how to study why still wanna study outside country?
Now I tell You, you ain't to say that because we are stupid in study.
God created you, and your mouth is not to say others at their back.
Do you ever try this feeling before?
Do you kno what is the feeling when you hear someone close with you is saying this?
I guess you NEVER.

You never know as a children, who wants to be a stupid child and can't give a proud to the parents?
Who wants to be a useless people while people says you are useless?
No one wants, included you.
So please, I begging you.
Thinking before you talk at the back, thinking what is the same things if it is turning to you.

Every parents wants their children be a clever boy so are you.
When people said your children are so useless, get married early, do you think you are still proud of it?
I bet you are not!Because you know how shame if the people said it, I think you know what is the feeling.
My mum too, she feels sad and upset when people says her children are stupid.
If We Are stupid, We won't graduate in SPM, Won't study so hard in College and Won't Work hard, earn money in outside country.

I promise, I swear. I won't let my mum get hurt anymore.
I will let you know, God created people is not created their evil heart, as you are His son, you know it.
God created me, even I'm not a perfect student, but I am His perfect child as my mum does too.
My parents and my brother and sisters will be the most happiness family in this world and do so in Heaven.
God is looking, He knows everything.

the day

Today is the result released.
My result is expected, I failed.
I suppose to do remark but I don't know is the remark happened on me or not.

When I saw the result, expected is Basic Kitchen.
I thought it was real, and it came true.
I have to leave here if it is possible can't do remark.
I will still stay here, until the result review said I still can goes on..

My life here is already ended.
I don't want, this is not the ended I want.
I want a graduation, is wear a graduate cloth and the hat,
stand on the stage, my parents give me the flower.
Lecturer congrat me and my friends hug together with me.

Throw the hat together and shout everything is ended here.
But it is not come true.
I failed it. I need to remark.
I don't want everything stop here.
I believe in faith.
I believe God helps me..
So I pray.

Thanks God I failed my subject so I will try my best to study hard and graduate successfully.
I try not harder in my exam, but I try harder in my after roll exam.
No matter it is so hard, but I still remember what is going on myself.
Learn this lesson, because I don't want give up and destroy myself.
I have friend here, what's I realised.
I have a boy friend here, whom is a good guy to me, I know that.
I have some good lecturer here, because they try to help me, I noticed it.
God, Please let me pass the subject..
Let my continue my study no matter it is how harder, how evil like others,
I try not to be a person who is not believe in you, not to be a hardworking.
thank you to listening my prayer.
In Jesus name, I pray, Amen!

one day left

Early in the morning, I am worried.
Wind blow through from me, it is cold.
Look at outside from the window, the clouds grey.
My mood is just turn to grey and other colour.

I don't know what will happen, since I know maybe I will fail.
I believe this is a planed from God and I just follow.
Believe in him is better than I think about it a lot and make me into trouble.
Everything He makes, has His plan.

I love him, because we are meant to be together 11months and 22 days.
He is a good guy that I never met, and he protected me every single time.
We never argue, we can talk anything we want.
We tell everything to each others, but sometimes not,because we believe each others.
He try to tell me, I can't be sad because I still have a little possibility to pass my courses.
He console me, while I am crying.
Thanks God, You prepared him to me.

I love my friends, even though we have a lot of bad memories.
When I am facing the trouble, you guys always console and be with me.
I miss the time we hung out together. I know this will be continue until we graduate.
It seems like I graduate first, but maybe I'll not.
Maybe we will graduate together.

I miss the first time you celebrated birthday with me, 10 xiang si dou, a surprise fire flower, a card you promise we will celebrated together every year.
I miss the first time we went to Taiping trip. That's the first time we met each others and we talked to each others.
We started on the time, in the bus, we talked..
After the night, we came out for supper.
We are same class.
Miss the day we moved in the new hostel.
We cleaned the house together, we fight with each others.
that's so funny, I won't forget.

Sometimes, wrote the memories at here, the feeling is awesome.
Let's wait for together.
Fight with destiny, I believe the destiny will lost.
If I really failed, guys, must graduate successfully..
I am watching you guys.
If I pass, let's graduate together.
No more gaming in diploma,no more playing in diploma.
This is so much important and difficult in our Diploma life.


MAY GOD BLESS ME & EVERYONE I CARE.